Dumps

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me.  I've been very down-in-the-dumps.  I can't really pinpoint the reason why---likely a combination of things including the change in seasons, my lack of fertility, and just a general malaise about life. 

Everything's fine at home: my marriage is doing well, my son is still a joy (for being almost 3).  But I'm finding myself unhappy at times.

I hate winter.  Maybe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Sometimes it hits me that I'll never be pregnant again, and Jackson will never have a sibling.  I hear about friends/family getting pregnant, and while I'm elated for them, there's an edge of sadness there that haunts me and I can't escape.

I babysit (just 2 days a week for a total of 8-9 hours), and while the kids are cute, I'm not really happy doing this anymore.  It's hard handling two 2 year olds and an almost-7 month old.  I don't get paid very much (I'm helping out a friend) and maybe I'm a little bitter about that.

I feel like I've lost touch with most of my close friends.  I miss my friends.  I miss talking to people, going out and doing things (not that I've ever done much of that).  I miss teaching, and working with people.

I feel underappreciated.  I know my husband loves me, and my son does too (most of the time).  I feel like I'm boring to others, like no one really gives a shit about me.  On the other hand, I feel like there's not much for others to really give a shit about.

Sorry for my dumpy post.  I thought maybe typing it all out would help.  Maybe it's time for me to revisit the fabulous Colleen.  I wouldn't even know where to start though.

Blah.  Better days ahead, no?