How long has it been?!

I was spending a lazy morning before I get ready for work and thought I should update this site, given all the emails I've gotten from friends in the last few days asking me what's new, why they haven't heard from me in a while, etc. Then I sign on and saw it's been weeks since my last update. Oops! Not much has happened fertility-wise since I last wrote. Lots of other things have happened though.


I'm done teaching for the moment at NCC, but I start back up January 2nd. I'm still teaching at WCC, tutoring (once a week), bowling, and working at the vet clinic, so I'm not having much of a vacation. But I do get to sleep in and there's a lot to be said for that. :)

Thanksgiving was busy, as usual. Paul and I started off at his mom's for appetizers and cocktails, then went to my brother's for dinner. It was nice to see all 7 nieces and nephews in one day! We're not really crazy about having to split our time, but it's really the only holiday that we have one day to see everyone. Maybe next year, we'll be in a house where we can host everyone at one time.

Paul and I are going to Chicago this weekend. He bid on and won at an auction last February a 2-night stay at the Hilton Chicago, so we're cashing it in. We'll take the train down early Friday afternoon and check in, then get dressed and go see Phantom of the Opera. Saturday, I hope to go walking around downtown, seeing the stores, buying Christmas presents, then we'll have dinner with some friends that night. Sunday morning, we'll likely have breakfast somewhere (Creperie?) and take our time getting home on the train. I'm expecting a nice, relaxing weekend away! My mom, who is doing remarkably better, will be watching Bailey for us while we're gone.

December is shaping up to be busy already. Paul's best friend (and best man from the wedding) is coming in for 4 days next weekend (after our Chicago one). Then we have a couple of weekends of Christmas parties before hosting my family on Christmas eve. I'm SO EXCITED about getting to do this! It's my first time hosting Christmas (but hopefully not my last) and I've already started planning the meal, which will likely be practiced many times before the big day. Christmas decorations have been up for 2 weeks, including my long-awaited tree skirt from Beverly (step-mother), which took 5 years but was so worth the wait! It's gorgeous and I'm honored to have her work displayed in my home!!

That's all for now. It might be some time before I post again, since nothing exciting is happening for a while. Happy holidays!

The new doc

Today was informative! We met with Dr. Rinehart, the new fertility specialist we're going to start going to. I had heard things about him that made me a little nervous--primarily, that he had no personality. I didn't see this as a bad trait though because I want the truth about what we're dealing with, not some souped-up bullshit (like I felt we were getting at the last place). Well, this guy was GREAT! His personality wasn't nearly as bad as we had expected, and he gave us a lot of information and told us where things stand with us. What it all boils down to is this: my eggs are old and on the edge of being pretty useless. We can go through another round of IVF but being our second shot, our success rate drops to 10-15% (from like 22%). A third attempt would be like having 0% success, so that may not be discussable later, if need be. He gave us a lot of really good information and explained things in ways that we understood. We never felt hurried to get out of his office, and I didn't see a million people waiting around, being shuffled through.

So here's the scoop: we're going to try it again next year (probably starting in late Feb or early March) and see what happens. Our chances are quite grim, but at least at the end, we can say we did everything we could. We've already started tiny discussions about adoption, but we have a lot more to talk about. This is something that we'd both be in favor of doing, but as some of you may know, domestic adoptions can take years (for a baby) and international ones are becoming more and more difficult. So it could be a while before we see anything.

Despite the bad news today, I feel pretty good! I will gladly give IVF one more try, but I also love the idea of adopting. Having a plethora of different kinds of children (white, black, purple, Chinese, Guatamalan, anything!!) running around my house is something that I've always wanted. Will I miss the opportunity to have one of my own? Maybe, but give me just one or two to love and that's all I'll need.

Until the next time...

Almost the end!

This is my last week of school!! YAY! It started off a little rough--I was sidelined yesterday with a bought of stomach flu (which started late Sunday night). It was gross and I spent the whole day yesterday on the couch. I'm feeling so much better today though, so this afternoon, it's off to work!

I'm sorry if my last post offended anyone. I know that no one means us any malice when telling us different things, but please understand that it's not always that easy to get pregnant, and it certainly won't be with Paul and me. We know what's ahead of us and what we need to do, and we're both pretty damned realistic about (and accepting of) it all. I just hope everyone else will be, that's all. Know that it's not going to happen conventionally for us and if you want to do anything to help, just encourage us on this journey. I've said my peace. :)

So again, this is my last week of school. It's going to be really busy, between doctors appointments (me and my mom), French oral exams, and everything else we have to squeeze in. Paul and I have an appointment with the new doctor tomorrow (Wed) to discuss what lies ahead. This new guy, Dr. Rinehart, has been around a while but I've heard he has ZERO personality. At least I know we'll be hearing it straight, no bullshit. There are advantages to that. Next week, I have final exams on Monday and Wednesday, then I'm done with NCC until January 2nd (ick...too early for me!!). I can't wait to have a break from that place!! It's been a really bad semester.

My mom is doing pretty well. She's getting around ok--we all help her run errands and get out a bit. Vincent goes by almost every day to see her, whether it's for 5 minutes or a couple hours. It's nice because it gives the rest of us a little bit of a break. I won't get there until Friday and possibly over the weekend. Her arm is still sore and giving her trouble--I think she finds out on Friday how she's doing with it. The six-week mark is coming up (when she's supposed to have the cast removed). I'm not sure what they'll say. I think once that comes off, her life will be so much easier!

Hope everyone is well!

So have I mentioned...

...how much I dislike stories about so-and-so who tried so hard to get pregnant using IVF and one day they magically found themselves pregnant on their own?

Or when people tell us the trick to getting pregnant is just to relax (or "stop trying") and it'll just happen?

News flash: it's not that easy. It may happen once in a while to some random couple out there, but it's not going to happen that way for us. It's not going to happen by us trying and trying with fertility drug shots, pills, patches, etc. only to fail, then one day having sex and BOOM! We're pregnant. Or wait...we try and try, fail with IVF, and just decide to not think about it during sex and BOOM! We're pregnant.

The reality is, we always think about it (or, at least, I do). There's never a time that we have sex and I DON'T think about it. That's just not possible, unless of course, I'm hopped up on 4-5 of those vodka/peppermint schnapps drinks and the world is spinning and things are blurry and, Oh hey! What's that thing you're putting me?! Yeah, that's the only way that's going to happen.

It's not possible to just turn off the thinking part of it all. It's always there, looming over us like a dark cloud....the wondering, the possibility of could this be the time? Frankly, I resent people telling me stories of someone they knew who got pregnant on their own after years of trying fertility treatments, or that not thinking about it will somehow make me magically pregnant.

Thanks for reading.

I love weekends!!

This is the first weekend in a long time where I actually have time at home! No running around from family member to family member, no shuttling people anywhere, no having to get up at some horrific hour in the morning to be somewhere...I'm home, able to do some serious laundry, and catch up on Tivo while grading papers. The poor Tivo was maxed out this past week--70 hours of tapes stuff that I haven't been able to get a handle on. I'm getting better with that though.

Paul and I have an appointment with a new fertility doctor (Dr. Rinehart) on November 14. We both feel so much more informed than we were before (stands to reason, since we've been through this once already) so I think we know all the right questions to ask. I've heard this doctor is short on personality, but he's been doing this for a long time. We've had a ton of recommendations so we'll see what this guy has to say and go from there. We may end up meeting with a couple doctors before making a choice. Regardless of who we choose, we won't be starting anything until March. I can't go through this process again while in school. It's way too stressful, so we'll wait until I'm done teaching MWF before going at it again. Not really what either of us wants, but I think the process will be easier if we wait.

My mom is back home after 10 days in the nursing home. She actually liked it there (except for her awful roommate)--the people who worked there were wonderful with her and the food was pretty good! She's home in the condo now and finally has cable TV and internet access, so that should help tremendously during the next few months she's homebound. She can get around pretty well and we drive her to appointments, plus she has therapists and nurses come in to help as well. I think this will work out well for her. Hopefully, she won't be pulling her hair out after a few weeks of this though. The only major problem she has to deal with is the crazy guy in the building (some of you may remember him from when I lived there). He's once again off his medication and wreaking havoc throughout the building with other condo owners.

Work is going pretty well. I've had a couple tough students to deal with this semester, making it really hard to want to go into work everyday, but I only have 2 weeks of classes left (plus a week of finals, so I'll be done by Thanksgiving). My Monday night class is going pretty well--I really enjoy the students in there! The vet clinic job is also going well, though my hours keep getting longer and longer as time goes on. This will only go on until about Thanksgiving, when the technician starts full-time. In the meantime, I get to help with lots of operations! That's the coolest part to me.

Paul and I are going away for a weekend in December. He booked a room at the Hilton in Chicago for the first weekend in December. I'm so excited! It'll be nice to get away with him. I feel like we hardly see each other anymore, especially during the week. Last night, I cooked dinner and we both ate at the table for the first time in months! I miss that....and him.

Hope everyone is doing well! My friend Lisa is due to pop out a little girl in a couple of weeks. It's amazing how far we've come from our days in Japan!

A departure

Today I worked 9am-7pm at the vet clinic. I got to observe (and help out) the doctor spay a small dog (laproscopically). It was probably the coolest thing I've ever gotten to do!! If anyone had told me a year ago that I'd be doing this sort of work, I would never have believed it (I said the same thing about going to Japan 10 years ago). My job at the vet clinic is so different from anything I've ever done. I mean, I teach French for a living! I sell hot dogs during the summer months! HELLO!?! It was absolutely amazing. It was also very difficult work--my friend Angie said tonight that maybe one day, I'll want to change careers. Frankly, I like my assistant title--I don't need to be a big wig in this type of business. I'm more than happy to take a back seat to the real pros.

My mom is doing so much better!! She goes twice a day to therapy (physical and occupational) to learn how to do old things in a new way. She got her release date--Tuesday October 30th. We'll be waiting for delivery of her new leather recliner this weekend (where she'll spend the majority of her time, even time sleeping at night). I think she's excited to go home, though the place she's at has definitely been nice! The people are nice and being a newer facility, things are clean and run smoothly. It's still going to be a few months before she can get back to work. Heck of a way to take a vacation!

Time for bed. Bonne nuit!

A new week

It's the start of a new week, and a new way of thinking about things. I've decided this today. :) I'm going to call a new fertility doctor that Paul researched and hopefully we can get in to see him soon. If treatments can't be done in the month of December, we'll hold off until March (when I'm finished teaching MWF). This is our last shot--I can't do this more than one more time, but if it doesn't work, who knows--I may consider one more after that (especially if I'm not in heavy work mode). IVF isn't difficult, but it's keeping up with all the monitoring appointments, drugs, shots, and everything else that makes it exhausting. I had more stress worrying about getting to my 8am class on time than anything else. Not having that might make it more tolerable.

My mom is doing so much better! Considering all of her injuries, she's doing pretty well for herself. She's in a new rehab facility (nursing home) in Aurora, which is quite nice. She keeps talking about going home soon, but her mind changes all the time about this. I go by to see her and run errands for her as much as I can, however she's starting to expect a little more from us that we're able to provide for her. Maybe she's gotten spoiled by having us around more than usual. We all want to help out but we still have to work and get on with our lives, and taking whatever little free time we have to spend on her can be taxing at times. We'll see how the next few weeks (or month) go.

I'm trying hard to keep up with grading and school-related work, all the while working at the vet clinic. My normal hours amount to about 10 hours a week (Tues and Thurs only), but this week, I worked Sunday at the open house, and on Thursday I'll work a long day from 9am-7pm. I'm kind of hoping this is a one-shot deal and that I can get back to a normal schedule next week. I feel so overwhelmed with everything right now. Thankfully, there are only 4 weeks left of the MWF class! I'll have a little breathing time after that.

Hope everyone is doing well!

The results are in.

NEGATIVE. Today was the official fertility center pregnancy test, and it was a big, fat negative. We did, however, end up with one frozen little bugger that we can use later, but one isn't enough. The doctor I spoke to tried to get me to make arrangements to come in soon, but I think we're going to try another doctor. I wasn't all that pleased with this one, though I'm not sure if they're all like this or not. I guess we'll find out. I'm fine with all this--I really am.

My mom is doing ok--her spirits are pretty good. She was told today that it'll be at least 3 months before she'll be allowed to go back to work, but she'll be able to go on disability after 30 days. That's good news, considering! She's still in the hospital but is due to be released in a day or two for a rehab center (pending insurance approval). She'll likely go to one in Wheaton, which is only about 15-20 minutes from where I live so I'll spend a lot of time there. She's not in too much pain and has even been up and to the bathroom a few times. She's wearing THE BOOT again (this is a long-standing family comedy/sore spot--too long of a story to explain here).

This has certainly been a busy week! I think it's time for a beer. Yes, it's Miller time. More soon...

Heck of a day

Today's been quite the busy day. This morning, my mom was in a bad car accident. She had just left for work and was slowing down for a turning car in front of her when she was slammed from behind by a bus, then the car went into a tree. She's ok, but ended up with a broken arm, ankle, and sternum. She's really sore and in a lot of pain right now. It'll take her a while to recover but thankfully, it wasn't any worse than it was. She was admitted to the hospital and will probably stay there for a few days, then go to a rehab facility. Yes, folks, my mom will be in a nursing home. We gave her a hard time about that today. Anything to make her smile!

While I was at the hospital with her, I got a call from the fertility place. They left a message saying they were expecting me today for a pregnancy test. **SAY WHAT?** I called them back and they told me that they normally do them 12 or 13 days after the embryo transfer. The woman was actually pissy with me for not showing up today, despite the fact I made an appointment for the date they told me to originally--October 26!! Like I'm supposed to know how these things work?! Anyway, I told them I can't make it in until Thursday. Tomorrow, I'm being observed during class (by the dept chair) so that's making me really nervous--to have a pregnancy test looming in my mind would drive me mad, so I decided to wait another day. Besides, I took another home test yesterday and it was negative, so if I'm doomed to hear bad news, I'd like to put it off as long as possible.

Other than that, things are running smoothly. I say that with a bit of sarcasm. :) Paul's brother left today to move out to California (he was living with us for the past 2 weeks). The house has been reclaimed! I can finally catch up on Tivo-taped shows! Hahahaha.

Hope everyone is happy and well!

The news so far....

Well, yesterday I tried one of those home pregnancy tests. The results were negative. I keep hearing that it was possibly too early, that the pregnancy hormones can't be read yet, but to me, it's not looking good. I'm still going to follow all the rules and do what I'm supposed (and avoid what I should), but frankly, I'm just not feeling it. I haven't gotten my period yet (it's due today, but with all that's been going on down there in the last month, I wouldn't be surprised if it was late). If I don't get my period by Monday, I'll take another test (I have 4 of them under the bathroom sink!).

We're headed to Waynee World (Michigan) this weekend for some R&R (for me) and pier removal (for the boys). Actually, I'm going to spend a great deal of time grading the 55 compositions and 40 exams I have to grade. Ick. Only 5 weeks of class at NCC and 8 weeks at WCC. I'm counting down the weeks...

Hope everyone out there has a great weekend! Lisa, have a GREAT time at your baby shower! Sorry to miss it!

Definitely NOT hormonally challenged

This past Sunday, I started wearing an estrogen patch. I put 2 of them on my stomach every other day. This is in addition to the progesterone that goes in the coochie. Let me tell you--this is a lethal combination!! I've been on fertility drugs for a good 6 weeks now and have not had the emotional roller coaster like I've had the last couple of days. Yesterday was particularly bad, having to deal with issues that normally might have slightly ticked me off but were full-blown ordeals by the end. Sadly, I'm unable to figure out how to post the best example of this (a voice mail received from a colleague). Write to me if you'd like me to send it to you. It's 72 seconds of pure, classic entertainment.

Work has been ok. I just found out that the room in which I teach at NCC will no longer have a computer or projector available in it. It did for the first few weeks, but now it's gone. This really sucks as some of my lessons involve having the ability to project things to the students from the internet or other software. At WCC, I only had 11 students show up for class last night (an additional one wrote to say she's sick), so I'm afraid my once-large class is dwindling! Thankfully, for both, I'm half way through the semester/term--only 5 weeks of NCC to go and 8 weeks of WCC left. I think this is the first time I've ever counted down the weeks until break. I'm just not into it much this year, likely due to everything else we're going through.

I have my appointment set for October 26th to get the official pregnancy test, though I have a few home tests that I'll likely try before then (like later this week!). We're headed to Michigan this weekend (Waynee World) for a little fall relaxation (at least for me--the boys are taking out the pier), something I've never tried at this time of year. It'll be strange not going for boat rides or swimming and sunning! I'm still looking forward to the distraction, and maybe getting some much-needed grading done.

Until the next time....

Lalalalalalala

WOW....2 days of doing nothing but laying around is exhausting!!! I've been reclined on the couch, bed, futon, chaise lounge, anywhere that will take me, though I've gotten up on occasion to sit at the computer, dinner table, and the potty. I called Kate yesterday and actually said that I was tired of sitting on my couch. I never in my life thought I'd say anything like that! I'm the ultimate lazy bum in my normal life. Now that I get the chance to do it officially, I'm not really all that happy with it. More than anything, I'd like to just leave the house, take a scooter ride, run some errands, but I'm trying my best to be good, follow all the rules, and really give the little nubbins a chance to stick.

So, I sit and twiddle my thumbs each day. My plan is to stay in and reclined tomorrow, which is probably overkill but I guess I feel like the odds are against us. Paul will be running my errands for me and doing stuff around the house. Sunday, we have his brother's going away party. For those who don't know, Steve is moving to California on the 16th of October. He moved in with us about a week ago and will stay until the 16th. He's basically living in the basement and back bedroom for now.

If you're reading this, feel free to give me a call! I go back to work on Monday (after missing 3 days this week--2 teaching, 1 vet clinic). The pregnancy test is scheduled for the 26th so it'll be quite a long wait until then--with any luck, I'll keep busy and not be thinking about it too much!

Tomorrow's the big day!!

Yes, you read that right--tomorrow (Thursday) at 10am is the embryo transfer. We're kind of struggling right now with the debate about whether the 3 day or 5 day transfer is better. The doctors seem to think that tomorrow is better for us. There are reasons that defy my ability to explain, but Paul is on the hunt for a lot more research to make sure we're doing the right thing. It's a tough debate and lots of people (doctors and patients) have a lot of different opinions about it. To see one, just google "ivf 3 day vs. 5 day" (sans quotes) and you'll see what I mean. The first article listed is enlightening, if not a big discouraging. We're getting info from internet and IVF survivors, and things are kind of gelling together for me a bit.

After the transfer, I get to come home and be a slug for 48 hours. That means no teaching, no vet clinic, no doing anything but laying around (awww...). Speaking of the vet clinic, I had my official start date there on Tuesday (I'll be there on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons for about 8-10 hours a week--short, but that's about all I can handle in addition to teaching!). They opened this past Monday and I was there a couple times last week to help set stuff up, but Tuesday I started my duties as Veterinary Assistant. Those of you who have known me a while know that when I was younger, my dream was to be a vet. Well, I'm not a vet, but I get to do really cool stuff and this is probably as close as I'll ever get to being a vet while having a MA in French. :) I mostly just get information from clients before the doctor sees them, help her hold the animals during shots, fill prescriptions, and do other small, minor tests. It's so awesome though!! There will be times when I'm sitting at the front desk greeting people as they walk in. Other times, I might be walking dogs around the area. It's a diverse job and I'm looking so forward to learning more and more. AND...the best parts...I have business cards, and I wear scrubs!!! IT'S THE COOLEST JOB!!

That's the latest. I'll update again after tomorrow, though I really won't know anything until they do a pregnancy test in a few weeks. Wish us luck!!!

Happy Easter!

**UPDATE: we have 6 fertilized eggs!! Still not sure of the transfer date, but I should know more tomorrow.**


WOW! The last 5 days or so have been such a roller coaster. Last Thursday, I was told I had only 3 eggs (not even enough for retrieval, so they were going to do artificial insemination). Then at my appointment Friday morning, they suddenly said I had enough eggs (4) so the retrieval was back on. At Saturday morning's appointment, they had a few more than that so they scheduled it for yesterday (Monday). They go in and pull out fifteen of those little buggers!! Yes, you read that right. We were completely in shock! I don't know how many of those are mature enough to be fertilized, but the nurse seemed to think around 10 of them would be good. That's an amazing number! We'll find out for sure in the next day or so when they call with the news, then give me the day I need to go back in to have them put in (it'll either be Thurs or Sat).

Eggs, eggs, everywhere eggs!

The downside to finding 15 eggs is the pain my poor ovaries are feeling right now. Hoochie mama! Last night, I could barely get myself off the couch. Today is better, though I'm still noticeably sore. I still plan to go to work this afternoon (vet clinic) but I might not bowl tomorrow night. I keep thinking that moving will help it feel better, but it really doesn't. Neither does Tylenol 3 (bummer!!).

I'm so happy that this whole experiment might actually work! The thought of only having a few eggs was discouraging, to say the least. I hated the thought of having to possibly go through this all again next month. I won't feel completely good about things until I find out how many eggs can be fertilized, but the nurse gave us a lot of hope yesterday.

More when I know it!!

A little scare

This week has been really difficult. I got a call from the nurse yesterday--she said that my estrogen levels are still very low, at least a lot lower than they'd like to see. She told me that I'll need to talk to the doctor tomorrow morning after my blood test and ultrasound. I didn't think anything of it until a friend told me that there's a possibility they could call this whole thing off this month. This does NOT make me happy. I'm really hoping that doesn't happen. I just don't know if I could do this another month. I know I will, but it's very discouraging to think about doing it again. The shots aren't that hard to do, but I have bruises where they go--my abdomen looks like a pin cushion. And now that they've doubled all of the big hormones, I'm really feeling it, physically and emotionally. I'm a bit of a mess these days. Thankfully, this doesn't affect my teaching. I tend to be in a teaching zone when I work, which is good.

Anyway, I'll know more tomorrow morning. Keep your fingers crossed!! I'll update when I know more....