Resolute in my resolutions

Well, I'm trying! Ok, the resolution about being more social: I'm doing that, I think. By that, I meant I'd try to just simply get out of the house more. Jackson and I have gone to the mall once a week so he can play in the kids' area. This is nice, but he usually gets bored with it after about 20 minutes and continually walks off. This wouldn't be so bad if the floors weren't filthy, and if he didn't try to put in his mouth every piece of shmutz he picks up. The mall is boring, being only about 30% inhabited by stores, so there's not much there to see. But we go. We didn't this week because we got busy and it was COLD, but we'll start up again next week.

I'm trying my best to be more active with Jackson. This isn't always easy because, frankly, he's not the most exciting little person in the world. That's not to say I don't delight in so many things he does, it's just not easy for me to immerse myself completely in every single little thing that happens with him. There are times when I just sit and watch him play, wondering what goes through his head. I see him happy with certain things, and unhappy, and I wonder what makes him that way. But there are times when I just need to step away from it all, so I'll read a magazine or sit on the computer in the dining room (where I can see everything he does--he's never completely alone!). Admittedly, there are times when I count down the minutes until the next nap. Mother of the year, I am.

The other night, I was feeding him dinner. He usually has a couple "courses," and I've traditionally he's had applesauce as the final one. The last few weeks, I've fed him something different. The other night, I went back to serving him applesauce. I gave him the first bite, and he looked at me in surprised and proceeded to applaud. Now, one might argue that he was just randomly clapping his little hands, however I believe he knew exactly what he was doing. He's a child prodigy in that way.

We'll be down 4 weekends out of 10 after this one. Paul's been spending every Friday and Saturday night with his brother, who's in isolation. It's a great thing he's doing to help out, but he's sorely missed at home! I count so much on him on weekends so I can get things done without a 1 year old strapped to me. He comes home Sunday afternoons and it's depressing to think he has to go to work the next day. I try not to make him feel bad about this--he shouldn't, not at all. Weekends for me are more physically exhausting, but for Paul, they're so much more mentally tiring. I know he'd much rather be home, spending his time with Jackson. Now all he gets are evenings for 90 minutes and the occasional 20 minutes at lunch each day (if he comes home, which isn't everyday). Oh, and a few extra hours on Sunday afternoons when we don't have plans.

On to bigger and better days! Stay warm!!

My Resolutions

I have 3 resolutions this year. Each year, I try to think of a few things I'd like to improve on--realistic things that are obtainable, not the "I'm going to work out everyday" kinds that never happen. Here are my 3:

1) To be more social. That means getting out of the house more! I don't do this enough and start to feel cabin feverish. Even if it means I visit my mom or sister, I'm determined to get out of the house! With Jackson! ☺

2) To make sure Jackson has a fun year! This one basically means I'm going to have more fun with him, instead of being picky about little things. I'm still picky, but I don't want to yell as much (I don't yell too much now, but I really don't want to yell at all this year).

3) To take better care of myself. Even if I do nothing more than get regular pedicures, I need to do this. I'd like to lump in exercise and eating right here, which is why I'm letting it sound so general, but I know I won't do a good job with exercise and eating so if and when I don't do these things, I won't feel guilty for breaking a resolution. Get it?? There really is a logic to my thinking there.

It's a new year, and while it's not starting off on the best note, I'm determined to be more positive about everything. This was Paul's first weekend away (he's spending Friday and Saturday nights with his brother in isolation) and while it hasn't been easy (Jackson's sick and I threw my back out yesterday), I have to make it positive from here on out. That is, if I don't want to be driven nuts. Paul says it's a short drive. Hmmph.

Peace out, 2010. Let's hope for good things in 2011!!!

The downside to being a SAHM

The last couple of weeks, I've come to realize that there's a dark side to being a stay-at-home mom. While I love what I do now and I feel lucky every single day to have the priviledge of staying home with my child when not everyone does, it has some downsides and I'm really seeing them these days.

I don't leave the house much during the week. Part of that is due to the cold weather and not wanting to take Jackson (or myself, for that matter) out in it. Also, there's a part of me that feels very guilty for spending money, so I avoid shopping or doing things that cost too much. Might sound ridiculous, but money is always a concern to me. Always has been, and no matter how much money we have in savings, it always will be. Even spending money on gas makes me feel bad.

Being holed up in this house has taken a toll on us both. I feel sometimes like Jackson's tired of me, and I really don't think I'm wrong to think this. Sometimes, I count down the hours and minutes until the next nap time, or until bedtime. I feel like the worst mother in the world when I do this.

Jackson's exhibiting a few bad behaviors lately and I'm pretty sure I haven't dealt with them well. His latest: pulling hair (mine) and biting (everything and everyone). The biting's been going on for a while, and we yell at him to stop doing that, but it doesn't help. I've tapped his lips with my fingers to get him to stop, and he cries but turns around and bites almost immediately afterwards. I'm sure some of this is to test me, but I just don't know what to do about it. As for the hair pulling, usually I can avoid this and it's never been a huge issue, but the last few days it's been bad. He takes a handful and pulls hard. I have to say, it doesn't feel so good! Tonight, it got so bad that after telling him over and over to stop, I finally took some of his hair and pulled back. He cried SO HARD and I felt awful for it. I feel like some days, all I do is yell at him to stop doing things.

The next few months are going to be really hard on all of us. Starting the weekend after next, Paul will be spending every Friday and Saturday night (for the next 2-3 months) with his brother at a Residence Inn-type place in Oakbrook. While I totally understand his need to do this, it's going to be so hard having him gone. I relish the weekends where I don't have to have all the Jackson responsibility and can have some time for myself or to get things done around the house that I've neglected. Truth be told, I'm absolutely dreading him being gone. I think it's going to be hard on Jackson most of all. He ADORES his daddy, and his face lights up when Paul walks in the room (and vice versa!). Jackson may not even notice the extra mommy-time, but I think he will in the long run. I'm going to do my best to take advantage of others--my family and friends, mostly, by going to visit and/or stay overnight with others, just for a change of scenery. Once the weather improves, we'll be able to do a lot more outside, but we have a while before that will happen.

I'm sorry for venting and being so negative. I feel like I'm still trying to get used to not working and bringing in money, and spending my days with a one year old. I'll probably need a few more years to get used to this. I need a boost of some sort--a huge pick-me-up to get me motivated to get through this winter.

Enjoy the holidays!

Merry Christmas!

I can't believe Christmas is a few short days away. We're all ready--have been for quite some time. The kids are getting tougher and tougher to buy for, so I went easy this year--gift cards. I got each of them a small gift to open, plus a couple gift cards. I think they'll be happy with what they get! We didn't get Jackson anything. He's still so young and doesn't really know any different. Seemed kind of silly.

I didn't decorate, except a few things here and there. Outside, we have some lights around the door and our big wreath on the front of the house between the windows. Inside, just the stockings hanging on the fireplace and some Christmas hats on photos on the mantle. Simple. I just didn't have it in me to put up a tree anywhere. No one's coming here for Christmas anyway, and Jackson doesn't know any better.

We'll be spending Christmas eve with my mom, brother, sister, and their families, then Christmas Day with Paul's side. His mom will be spending the day with Steve at the Residence Inn-type place, so she won't be with us, but we'll see his sister and her family, and his dad. Sunday, his dad's coming over to spend time with Jackson. I love when he does this! Jackson enjoys the attention (not that he doesn't get plenty from us).

Jackson went to the doctor for his 1 year visit. He had a couple vaccines, which made him cranky, but he did ok. He weighs 25 lbs. 9 oz. I forget his length, but for weight and length he was in the 80th percentile. His doctor said he looks great! He's doing everything developmentally that he should be. Just a normal kid!

Some of his latest tricks include jumping up and down in his crib (he hit his chin yesterday so he's a little less wild about it), putting together his cup toys (and taking them apart), and going up and down stairs, though we don't do this as much as we should--he's mostly blocked off from the stairs during play time--but we're practicing. He eats pretty much anything put in front of him but I'm starting to notice his interest waning with some foods. I do still feed him a lot--there are some things he eats on his own like scrambled egg and pasta, but mostly I feed him. He'll eat what we eat, which is really nice!

Enjoy the holidays!!

My baby's no longer a baby!

Well, the Jackson party festivities have ended, and overall, it went well! We arrived a little early to Monastero's--Jackson was fed a bottle by Daddy while Mommy decorated. People slowly trickled in (the weather was awful, so I'm surprised everyone who was expected actually made it!), and the party got off to a rousing start. Jackson was a dream child, letting everyone hold him, though when a few tried to put him down to have him show off his walking skills, he got a little pissed off but quickly recovered. He was passed around but seemed to prefer the familiar arms of his Aunt Cake and Grandma, who both tried hard to "allow" others the opportunity to bask in his greatness. He just always gravitated back to them, and that was ok!

He ate like a champ, enjoying a couple different pasta choices and some broccoli. Jackson eats well all the time, so getting food in him is rarely a problem! Then came the amazing cake. I had asked a friend with whom I bowl if she would make it. I've tasted several of her cakes in the past and they've all been really good. This one certainly didn't disappoint! Besides the incredibly beautiful decorations, it was AWESOME tasting! We decided to go with something a little out of the ordinary, so we ordered red velvet with cream cheese frosting. WOW!! It was fantastic! And it matched the cute banner I had with some farm animals on it.

Jackson was delicate in the way he handled the cake. No face smashing for him! He took fingerfuls, but never just stuffed any in his face. He seemed to like it though, and he especially liked the ice cream that accompanied it. After playing in it a bit, it was time to open presents. Of course, Mommy had to help with this. He got a lot of cute clothes and fun toys to play with! He also got some money and a couple nice gift cards. Mommy will help him shop for a couple of things, but we might save those for later.

For as much activity as there was, Jackson never melted down (in the traditional sense). He got quiet and eventually fell asleep in the arms of Aunt Cake. He was overstimulated, but never really let it show. No one has to tell me twice how lucky I am to have a kid like this!

We got home and put aside most of the new toys. We'll slowly bring them out, but not all at once. Some older ones will phase out as newer ones replace them.

We're so grateful for the love of our families! Jackson's an amazing kid and it was so great to celebrate his first year with everyone!

Thinking back

I've been thinking a lot about how my life has changed in the last year. I think the biggest change I can see (in myself) is that my life is no longer about just me. I mean, I've been married over 4 years but even after Paul and I started dating and eventually got married, I still thought of my life as ME. But this last year, it's been all about Jackson. He's the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of before going to sleep. EVERYTHING I do in my life revolves around him and his needs. I had a lot of bad habits before having him, mostly related to eating (I'd forget, or I'd just eat junk), and it scared me having a child who depended on me getting him to eat and drink on time everyday...and nutritiously! But I do it, and I like to think I do a pretty damn good job at it! That's not to say my own eating habits have gotten better--they haven't (I still forget meals sometimes, or sometimes I eat a package of cookie dough), but I haven't missed once where Jackson's concerned. Sounds silly, I'm sure, but it's a big deal for me! I think that was something I feared before becoming a parent--forgetting those basic necessities for myself is one thing, but I can't do that to my child. And I'm proud to say I don't! ☺

It still surprises me sometimes how strongly I feel for Jackson. I know every parent feels this way about their child(ren). I grew up babysitting other people's kids, but never really felt this way. When my nieces and nephews came along, I felt a lot stronger towards them than I had kids in the past, but now having Jackson, I realized I've never felt for another human being like I feel for him. At times, I'm paralyzed by a fear that something bad will happen to him--this comes from years of reading the blogs and web pages of families who have had to deal with sick and dying children, as well as seeing family members suffer from cancer and other illnesses. My own damn fault for reading too much. I just hope that certain methods of research become more prevalent. I'm a HUGE proponent of stem cell research and the possibility of cures that come from that. My hope is that I'll see a cure for cancer in my lifetime, and that it never befalls my child or any other child in my family or among my friends.

I like to think that I'm far less selfish and narcissistic than I once was. I still have my moments, I'm sure, but they're few and far between, it seems.

One funny thing...Paul and I have become WAY more goofy now than we ever were! And let me tell you--we were pretty damn goofy before Jackson came along. It's far worse now! I can only imagine what this child will think of us someday. We'll embarrass the hell out of him, that's for sure! I hope that of all the qualities he could get from us, humor would be high on the list. I'm not saying we're funny, but...oh hell, we're pretty damn funny sometimes! The thing I want is for Jackson to see how much Paul and I love each other. We're always affectionate and teasing each other, but we also very much respect each other, and I hope Jackson gets that. We do a lot of little things for each other, always without complaining, and we do our best to help each other along the way. We fight sometimes, and we do get mad (mostly at the dog, who's taken to peeing everywhere these days), but it's always short-lived.

I'm done rambling for now....but check back later this week. I'm feeling very nostalgic these days. Haha!

Jackson's 1st Thanksgiving

Well, Jackson's first Thanksgiving was, um, eventful. Unfortunately, there was a lot of drama within Paul's family that pretty much put a major damper on the day, but the saddest part to me is that this was Jackson's first Thanksgiving, and all that will be remembered about that day will be the storm that hit the house (so to speak). I did get some nice pictures before the ugliness started, so I was able to put together a nice picture collage for Jackson. Thankfully, Jackson won't remember what happened that day. I know I'd like to forget it.

Anyway, I'm hoping all drama stays away from this Saturday's festivities. I'm so excited for Jackson's party! It's not about the presents, but we wanted to do this to celebrate this fantastic little boy who is our miracle. I can't remember what life was like before him, but I do know that it wasn't nearly as exciting (and exhausting!) as it is right now, or that it has been this past year. It's been the best year of my life, and I'm pretty sure Paul would say the same. He is as much in love with this child as I am. Jackson keeps us both looking toward the future and excited about what's to come!

Steve has now entered Loyola hospital and is starting the process for his stem cell transplant. We were lucky to spend Thanksgiving with him (at least until he was whisked away in the drama, but he wasn't part of it!), and we had a nice dinner with him last night. He's in for a VERY tough ride ahead, so please keep him in your thoughts. I don't know what will happen to him down the road, but we're all trying to remain positive. He won't get to spend Christmas with us, but Paul will be spending weekends with him for a couple months (starting in mid-December or so) while he's in isolation (at a Residence Inn type place near the hospital). Jackson won't be able to visit because we're guessing he (J) won't wear a mask like everyone else has to.

More after his party!

Halloween!

Well, Jackson survived his first Halloween! We didn't take him trick-or-treating--he's still way too young for that. My own personal rule is that if you can't walk to the door, you really shouldn't be getting candy. Didn't stop me from giving any out to little ones, but they were usually with bigger ones. I did sit outside for a bit with him. Sadly, our neighborhood didn't have many costumers, so there wasn't much to hold his interest out there (except the pumpkin in the picture, which he insisted on touching the entire time we were out there). We took him in after a while and just answered the door ourselves. Next year, we'll really whoop it up for him! I'm already planning his costume!

Birthday party invitations went out in the mail today. This is the only BIG party we'll have for him (mostly family invited) so we're doing it big and having it at Monastero's. We already proved last year that we can't sustain a houseful of guests in our home without pissing off a lot of people (not enough seats), so we didn't want to fight it and we're having it at the restaurant. Which is fine, since we'll be hosting Thanksgiving the previous week. The last thing I'll want to do is cook! The party should be a lot of fun and I have SO MUCH to do between now and then! Lots of goodie bags to make and things to shop for (cake, outfit, etc). I'm looking so forward to it though!

Jackson's about to turn 11 months this week. I can't believe how that time has flown. He's such a cool kid and absolutely my favorite person to hang out with every day! He makes me laugh and there's nothing I love more than making him laugh. Today at the grocery store, I was tickling his feet and he was screeching! I look like an idiot most of the time in stores but I just don't care. He brings out the idiot in me.

Jackson's walking more and more every day. He can walk across the living room but he's still quite unsteady about it. He's trying more things like kicking a ball, picking stuff up without falling, standing from sitting, and turning around while still standing. It's been a fascinating process, watching him learn all these new skills! He's also learned to shake his head no (but he does it whenever, not really appropriately). He doesn't say much beyond ba-ba-ba-ba-ba and other nonsense words. No actual words yet. And he still won't wave bye-bye. We've been trying to get him to do this for some time but, as with all things Jackson, he'll do it when he's damn good and ready and not a moment before.

I love staying home with him every day. Sometimes, it's a bit monotonous and boring, but overall, it's pretty great. I don't for one minute take any of it for granted! I know how lucky I am to get to do this, and while we don't have the luxury of 2 incomes, I think Jackson will ultimately benefit greatly from this experience. I'd love to go back to teaching, but the jobs aren't there and frankly, I don't have it in me to fight for them or even look for something new. So I'll just stay home and enjoy the time I have!

Please keep Paul's brother, Steve, in your thoughts. He's finally in remission (enough for a stem-cell transplant) and they found 2 unrelated 10-point match donors for him!! How lucky he was to have 2 that matched perfectly! He'll go through testing in the next few weeks (as will his donor) and then he'll get a transplant. What follows will be the hardest few years to deal with (compared to what he's already been through).

Happy November!

Okay.

It's been 3 weeks since the D&C, and we're doing ok! I think I've handled this whole thing well, but that's in part because of all the other stuff going on to keep my mind occupied: Jackson, Paul's brother, upcoming holidays and birthdays, etc. To be honest, I don't really think of it much, but occasionally something will remind me of what could have been. I try to think of what will be someday, instead of what if's.

I've been thinking a lot about Jackson's first birthday party. I'm so excited about it! I want it to be so special for him, even though he won't remember it. We'll have it at Monastero's because we'll have too many people to try to fit into our house. It'll cost us a little bit, but it's the only BIG family birthday party we'll have for him for a while. Plus, being 9 days after we host Thanksgiving, I'd like to not have to clean and cook for that big of a crowd!

Jackson is doing all sorts of new tricks. He's well on his way to walking. He's up to about 6-8 steps at a time before wobbling and falling. It's adorable watching him try! He's even getting better at standing without holding on to anything. It's been fascinating watching him learn how to walk. It really is a progression and he seems to be doing everything in the right order! I'm thankful every single day that I have this time with him and get to stay home to watch him and take care of him. I know how lucky I am to be able to do this! It's the most challenging "job" I've ever had, but it's BY FAR the best!!

I had my first experience of me being sick with a child. Funny how mother's get no sick days. I had a stomach bug that hit this week and left me spending quite a bit of time in the bathroom. This made it quite difficult with a 10 month old running around! I spent the rest of the time just laying on the living room floor while he played, and I have to say he was a trooper! Fortunately, Paul was able to come home a little early from work, allowing me to go right to bed.

We're having company this weekend, then Thanksgiving next month, followed by Jackson's party the week after that. It's going to be a very busy 6 weeks!

Dusting and Cleaning

Today was my D&C. Paul and I went early this morning to the nearby surgery center. We were home by 9am. Physically, I feel really good, considering! No pain, no cramping, very little bleeding. Emotionally, I'm ok. I have moments of sadness, but they don't take over my day. They can't--Jackson needs me and I don't want to deprive him of one second of his mommy. That wouldn't be fair to him, and right now, I'm functioning as a human being because of and for HIM.

We're ok. Our plan is to try again when we're able to (thankfully, we don't have to wait long!). We may try to do something with our frozen nubbin, in part to avoid paying rent on him for another year. We may try fertility drugs. I'm not sure what we'll do, but we will do something. I want, more than anything, for Jackson to be a big brother.

Now it's time for life to get back to "normal." Our sense of normal is questionable these days, especially in light of what's happening with Steve and his cancer. He's going through another round of chemo now but will be released from Loyola tomorrow, then he'll be tested sometime in the next few weeks to determine how well the chemo's working for him. He's fighting as hard as he can, so hopefully he'll win!!

Jackson will be 10 months old this weekend. I can't believe how fast this time has gone. His first birthday is right around the corner, and I've already been thinking of what to do! We're going to have his party at Monastero's (since we can't fit our whole families together in our house at one time). I'm excited for him!! I have my camera and video camera ready and waiting!!

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. More soon...

On a sad note...

Today, I'm losing a baby.

Several weeks ago, we found out we were pregnant. Totally on our own, no help from doctors, we managed to do things the way nature intended.

The joy we felt was unimaginable! It took some time to really sink in, but wow, we were excited about the prospect of having 2. That's what we've wanted this whole time. We told people. We surprised some by having Jackson wear a Big Brother shirt. We were ready to begin this 9 month journey again.

This past Monday, I had my 8 week ultrasound. There was no heartbeat. The baby was there but measuring about 3 weeks earlier than it should have. All bad signs, for sure.

Yesterday, I started bleeding. Not heavily, just spotting, but it's continued to today and has gotten ever-so-slightly heavier. The beginning of the end.

I will go to the doctor today, and she will likely tell me I need to have a D&C. I'll be cleaned out--a fresh canvas.

I'm ok. I cried a lot on Monday, and I imagine I will do so this afternoon while meeting with the doctor, but I've accepted what's happened. I'm realistic about this--it is what it is and can't be changed, so I can either sit around and mope, or accept it and move on. There's only one reason I can move these days: Jackson.

That little boy has made this all so much easier to deal with. I'm sad that he won't have a sibling next May, but I know he will have one one day. Until then, I will take in everything about him, hug him a little tighter, tickle him to make him laugh, take him for a walk around the block.

And I will mourn the little nugget that almost was.

The Junior Mint

As of a week ago, Jackson weighs a whopping 22.1 lbs. and is 29.5 inches long. His doctor's appointment went well and she was impressed at how he looks and acts! He's a funny kid and is changing and growing every single day!

Jackson's been babbling more and more lately. For a few days, he did a lot of sounds involving his tongue (lalalala), and lately he's been saying wowowow a lot. It's fascinating, really, how his speech is developing. I love studying this when it comes to foreign languages, but seeing it happen with English is pretty damned cool, too!

His walking has changed--no, he's not officially walking on his own, but he's cruising around furniture like crazy! Tonight, Paul took his little hands and walked behind him, and it was the first time he actually walked looking like a big boy! His hands were being held, but not tight and he had a lot more control than either of us thought he would. We were both so surprised to see that!

Jackson's biting still continues to be a problem. He's drawn blood from both of us--one night, he bit my lip so bad it was swollen. I've tried just pushing him away and distracting him, but this doesn't always work, and a couple times I've tapped my finger on his lips and said NO very sternly. My fear is that he thinks he's kissing us, and we're pushing him away and preventing kisses. That would just kill me if he thought we didn't want his love. I'm at a loss as to how to handle this.

I've been cooking for him more and more, making different combinations of food and recipes. So far, I've been mostly successful. Some of it's pretty damn good tasting! He seems to like it and that's what matters. We use a lot of veggies, chicken, pasta, cheese, and such. He's a good eater with the majority of foods that pass his luscious little lips.

BIG wedding this weekend! Callie and Adam are getting hitched, and we couldn't be happier!

Almost 3 quarters of a year

It was almost 9 months ago today that I gave birth to this little butterball. Kate and I will be taking his 9 month pictures on Friday.

So much has been going on around here, it's incredible. Steve moved back to Illinois (from CA) last week and is now living with his mom in Huntley. Paul still has to fly out to CA this Friday and will spend the weekend with his uncle driving Steve's car back. I'm sure they'll make a stop at a casino somewhere, so hopefully he'll only miss one day of work and be home on Monday. Time will tell though.

Jackson got to meet his Uncle Steve this past weekend. This is something I've been hoping for (though under much different circumstances!) for a while. We got a short video, since we have video of everyone else meeting Jackson for the first time (of course, everyone else met him in the hospital right after he was born).

Steve looks ok and has a good attitude about everything, but he has a very tough fight ahead of him. He'll be going to see Dr. Rodriguez at Loyola tomorrow afternoon--the whole family is going (Steve, his mom and dad, brother and sister) so hopefully they'll all have a better idea of what to expect. Despite 2 rounds of chemo, he has yet to go into remission, which isn't a good sign, but we're hoping Dr. R can lead him to a clinical trial that might help.

Jackson is growing by leaps and bounds. He now has 6 teeth--4 on top and 2 on the bottom. He bites everything and everyone that get in his path, and let me tell you, it hurts!! I'm trying to tell him "Don't bite" but he really is too young to understand. He gets pissed if I prevent him from biting. Sometimes, he can be really naughty!

He's still crawling like a champ, but no sign of real walking yet. He's been pulling himself standing for a while now, but just recently has he started walking around furniture (only a few steps at a time). I'm trying to encourage him, but he seems to do things in his own time, when he's good and ready.

He eats just about everything put in front of him. We're still being slightly conservative with his food, but every now and then we give him something we're not sure he'll like, and he inhales it! Most recently was elbow macaroni that my mom made (with tomatoes, bacon, and onion). I kept big chunks out but gave him just flavored noodles, and he loved them! I love doing that--trying new things with him. He's getting better with different textures, but everything is still really puréed, of course.

I can't believe the summer is almost over. It's so sad to me--seems so short this year. I'm dreading winter, but already looking forward to Jackson's first birthday party! It'll be HUGE! We're having it at the restaurant where Paul's dad works--Monastero's in Chicago. We'll have everyone from both sides of the family (probably 60-70 people total?). I'm so excited about it! This will be the only BIG party. From here on out, it'll be just immediate family from both sides. Even that's enough of a crowd!

Enjoy!

Thankful

For the better part of this summer, I've been tutoring ESL to a German student. It's just 2 days a week, 6 hours total (and great money!). During those times I'm working, I've been so lucky to have my mom and sister babysit. Each week, they take turns coming over and spending 3-5 hours with Jackson, taking the best care of him. For that, I'm so grateful. I don't know what I'd do without either of them, and Jackson is so lucky to have his family here to take such good care of him! Only once have I had to take him down to Oswego (where they both live), though next week I'll take him so he can spend the night at Aunt Cake's. I only have about 3-4 weeks more of this before this tutoring ends, but I plan to make the effort to take him to Oswego as often as I can to spend time with his famly.

I love this little boy with every breath I take, and I'm thankful that I have 2 people I can count on who feel the same!

Thanks, Mom and Kate!!

Not only...

This is the week for changes! Not only does Jackson have a front tooth coming in, he has the side one next to it. There's been talk that the second front top tooth is also coming in, but I haven't seen that one yet. It could be there and I'm missing it though.


Jackson's also now responding to me chasing him, saying, "I'm gonna get you!" He squeals with delight and crawls away, stopping every few feet to sit and look back to see if I'm still there, then take of "running" again when he sees me. It's incredibly cute (though hard on my knees to crawl behind him!). I can remember Maddie doing this--she was always SO SERIOUS about getting away!

He's also now eating small finger foods (little whole grain puffs). He's not quite gotten the hang of getting the food in his mouth with his fingers, but he's getting better at it every day. It's cute to watch him try, and funny when we lift him out of his high chair and find half of them stuck to his legs. Bailey swoops up anything that hits the floor, too.

I look at Jackson every single day and wonder how I got so lucky! I can only hope another child is in our future. Paul is so concerned about finances (IVF costs, as well as future college educations!) that he won't even talk about it. Not that I want to rush into having another, but I'd really like to get going on the drug portion of game, just to get that out of the way. Unfortunately, freezing and storing embryos is expensive--we already have one in ice, and we'd be charged all the same initial charges for any new ones, and none of it is covered by insurance.

Paul is headed to California next week to spend some time with his brother, Steve. Steve has been hospitalized for 5-6 weeks now (since Father's Day) with leukemia. His first 4 weeks of chemo didn't work, so he's getting another 4 week round of drugs. There's a plan to bring him back to Illinois for a stem cell transplant and subsequent treatment, which will total 2 years, during which he'll live with his mother (*gulp*). His chances aren't great, but he's fighting with everything he's got. Please keep all fingers crossed for him!

This weekend will be Jackson's first White Sox game! Wish us luck--we don't have high expectations, but we hope he enjoys it!