On a sad note...

Today, I'm losing a baby.

Several weeks ago, we found out we were pregnant. Totally on our own, no help from doctors, we managed to do things the way nature intended.

The joy we felt was unimaginable! It took some time to really sink in, but wow, we were excited about the prospect of having 2. That's what we've wanted this whole time. We told people. We surprised some by having Jackson wear a Big Brother shirt. We were ready to begin this 9 month journey again.

This past Monday, I had my 8 week ultrasound. There was no heartbeat. The baby was there but measuring about 3 weeks earlier than it should have. All bad signs, for sure.

Yesterday, I started bleeding. Not heavily, just spotting, but it's continued to today and has gotten ever-so-slightly heavier. The beginning of the end.

I will go to the doctor today, and she will likely tell me I need to have a D&C. I'll be cleaned out--a fresh canvas.

I'm ok. I cried a lot on Monday, and I imagine I will do so this afternoon while meeting with the doctor, but I've accepted what's happened. I'm realistic about this--it is what it is and can't be changed, so I can either sit around and mope, or accept it and move on. There's only one reason I can move these days: Jackson.

That little boy has made this all so much easier to deal with. I'm sad that he won't have a sibling next May, but I know he will have one one day. Until then, I will take in everything about him, hug him a little tighter, tickle him to make him laugh, take him for a walk around the block.

And I will mourn the little nugget that almost was.

The Junior Mint

As of a week ago, Jackson weighs a whopping 22.1 lbs. and is 29.5 inches long. His doctor's appointment went well and she was impressed at how he looks and acts! He's a funny kid and is changing and growing every single day!

Jackson's been babbling more and more lately. For a few days, he did a lot of sounds involving his tongue (lalalala), and lately he's been saying wowowow a lot. It's fascinating, really, how his speech is developing. I love studying this when it comes to foreign languages, but seeing it happen with English is pretty damned cool, too!

His walking has changed--no, he's not officially walking on his own, but he's cruising around furniture like crazy! Tonight, Paul took his little hands and walked behind him, and it was the first time he actually walked looking like a big boy! His hands were being held, but not tight and he had a lot more control than either of us thought he would. We were both so surprised to see that!

Jackson's biting still continues to be a problem. He's drawn blood from both of us--one night, he bit my lip so bad it was swollen. I've tried just pushing him away and distracting him, but this doesn't always work, and a couple times I've tapped my finger on his lips and said NO very sternly. My fear is that he thinks he's kissing us, and we're pushing him away and preventing kisses. That would just kill me if he thought we didn't want his love. I'm at a loss as to how to handle this.

I've been cooking for him more and more, making different combinations of food and recipes. So far, I've been mostly successful. Some of it's pretty damn good tasting! He seems to like it and that's what matters. We use a lot of veggies, chicken, pasta, cheese, and such. He's a good eater with the majority of foods that pass his luscious little lips.

BIG wedding this weekend! Callie and Adam are getting hitched, and we couldn't be happier!