The best and the worst.

I don't know that I've ever mentioned how Jackson and I watch Sesame Street together. We have this "thing" where we both sit on the couch and watch, and he's snuggled up against me. It's the sweetest thing and I have to say, he has a hard time sitting and watching by himself! I don't use the TV as a babysitter---he just won't sit quietly alone, but if I sit down, he'll sidle over and snuggle up against my left side, and I sit with my arm around him. It's incredibly sweet and, while it prevents me from getting any work done, it's most definitely worth it!! I don't know how long he'll continue it, but I enjoy it each time as if it's the last.

We had some bad news today. Last week, Jackson had an EKG. His pediatrician had noticed a slight heart murmur (which she'd noticed last year a couple times when he had colds) at his 18 month appt. She said she wanted to send him for an EKG just to make sure it's nothing serious. Today, I got the call that, after review, it was determined that Jackson MIGHT have possible right ventricular hypertrophy, and it was recommended that we visit the pediatric cardiologist who reviewed his EKG, so we have an appt with him this coming Friday afternoon.

Needless to say, I was quite a mess this afternoon (thanks, Aunt Cake, for talking me down off the ledge!). I feel guilt as if I've done something to worsen this situation (though I'm pretty sure I didn't cause it)---putting him cold water during swimming lessons, that sort of thing. After some research and talking to people, I'm a bit calmer now, though still incredibly worried. I've heard different things like EKG readings aren't always accurate for detecting this sort of problem, and this isn't a death sentence...he'll still lead a normal life. Still, it's so scary, more than I can ever describe. I'm going to stop typing about it now or I'll get upset all over again.

On a happier note, I'm finally getting a new car. It'll be a 2011 Honda CR-V. I've had my 2000 CR-V for 11 years now and it's been a GREAT car, so it makes perfect sense to continue with the same thing. We went to a dealership today (from whom we'll get a great deal) but they didn't have one in stock, so now it's a waiting game. If they find one at another dealer, they'll get that one for me and I might have it in a few days. If not, they'll order me one, which could take up to 8 weeks. I requested a light blue color and no second choice. I wasn't able to choose my color last time (and we know how THAT turned out!), so I'm allowing myself to be a little picky this time around! I test drove one tonight and it was so nice and quiet! For those who don't know, the muffler on my current car is hanging by a thread and no longer connected where it should be. I'm hoping to get the new car before we go to Waynee World next week.

Speaking of WW, I'm excited beyond words to go! This is my only vacation this summer, and I definitely need it. We all do! Oren will be staying with Rosie, who I'm hoping doesn't plan to leave him tied up in the backyard the whole time. He needs to be walked twice a day (so different from the other 3 dogs before him!!), so I'm hoping Steve can carry that burden. We used to take Bailey to WW, but Oren's a much different dog---good in so many ways, but he's not quite WW ready!

Enjoy the weather!

Postponed.

Our current cycle has been postponed. There was fluid in my uterus that was blocking where an embryo would go, so the transfer we were going to have next week has been put off. I'm fine with this---I want everything to be perfect for this, and I'm in no hurry to get this done, so we'll wait until after my next period to start the process over. That part kind of sucks...having been through the drugs we have been just to have to start over, but it'll be worth the wait in the long run to have a cleared area.

That's all for now! Looking forward to a fun weekend at Waynee World in a few weeks!!

Human pin cushion.

Oh, I forgot how much fun it is to shoot hormones into my abdomen! Man, this shit sucks, but I keep reminding myself of the potential long-term goal here. Or maybe it's a short-term goal...I don't know anymore. They're upping my hormone doses so I'll be in even better moods in the next week or so. The expected embryo transfer date is Thursday, June 30th in the afternoon. Paul will take me, Aunt Cake will be watching Jackson, and I'll spend a glorious 18 hours with my butt in the air in an attempt to help this little sucker stick. We now have a clean playing field, so I'm trying to remain hopeful.

I don't want to be pessimistic about this. I'm trying to be positive, but I know myself enough to know that I can't let my hopes get too high. Do I expect this to work? Not really. I have hope that it will, but I have to remain guarded in the event it doesn't. It makes me incredibly sad that this could be our last shot at a second child. I want so bad for Jackson to have a sibling.

Jackson has been so fun lately! We started his tumbling class this week and sadly, I was disappointed in it. It was unstructured, and we spent 30 minutes playing in a room filled with mats and some kid-sized gymnastic equipment. No activities, nothing. It was so different from his awesome Tot Rocks class, which was planned down to the minute with activities! I'll give this one more shot before making any radical decisions.

I'm now taking a yoga class on Mondays, and I love it! I was in Zumba, which was a good class but VERY aerobic-centered. I have no rhythm and can't dance, and felt a little like a bumbling fool in there (though I was happy to be neither the oldest or largest in class!). I also had horrible neck spasms for the 2 weeks I was in it. Yoga is definitely more my speed. I still sweat like a piggie and, 2 days later, I'm still sore, but it was GOOD. I'll stick with this one!

Jackson starts swimming lessons next week (M-F, then the following M-W), so we'll be BUSY! It sometimes takes so much effort to take him somewhere that I feel like it blows half the day. Add to that the appointments at Dr. Morris' office and I feel like I'm running my ass off every single day. Thankfully, my neighbor is taking Jackson one morning so I don't have to take him to sit in the tiny room with me while I have a wand up my hoo-ha. They have a little girl his age who loves to play with him!

More later...

Clean playing field.

From the sounds of it, my hysteroscopy was a success!! Nothing but some cobwebs in there. The doc did tell Paul that they probably would have expelled on their own after a future period, which makes me wonder why we went through all this to begin with, but I really don't care---as long as the area is clean and ready for a baby, that's all that matters.

One funny story---when Paul came into the room after the whole thing was over, he was asking me questions and said I seemed lucid and was answering and responding to him. He told me what he was told, then said that a minute later, I asked him again what had happened. He laughed, then started to wonder, so he asked me who the president of the USA was, and I responded with a very clear, "Jackson Ambrose." He wasn't sure if I was joking or not. The thing is, I don't remember a single thing about any of this.

I believe I start taking estrogen tonight, and approximately 2-3 weeks later will be our frozen embryo transfer. Keep all fingers crossed!!!

Reactions.

Poor Jackson had 3 full days of fevers because of that DTaP vaccine last Friday! Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were a haze of Motrin and Tylenol. No one could really do anything beyond that. Today (Tues), he's better but has sneezed a couple times, and his nose is a little bit runny, but that could be because he's a serious whiner-49er today.

Let me say for the written record...I CANNOT WAIT for this child to begin speaking!! I'm so tired of the whining. He has a special one where he goes up and down the musical ladder. That one just grates on my nerves! In the immortal words of Aunt Cake, "USE WORDS!" Everyone keeps telling me that once he starts speaking, I'm going to wish he would go back to not, but NOPE! No way! I want real words coming out of his beautiful puffy lips.

Surgery on Friday, then a nice QUIET weekend at home! I can't remember the last time we had a weekend with no plans. I'm looking so forward to it!

Friday

Looks like my "surgery" is scheduled for this coming Friday at 12:30pm. Aunt Cake is coming to watch the wee one, and Paul will be with me at the surgery center.


I went in this morning for blood and an ultrasound (my ovaries have to be surpressed to do the surgery, so they were checking to make sure they were, and they are). It occured to me on the way to the office today that whatever's in my uterus might have factored into my miscarriage last year. I asked the nurse about it after my u/s and she said yes, it's a possibility, but there's no way to know for sure unless the embryo had been tested after my D&C. I don't remember if it had been (she added that they normally are tested), so I might check with the office this week to see what they have to say about it.


If it turns out this was an issue, I have hope that there's a chance we may get pregnant on our own later. This is assuming this frozen cycle doesn't work. I have hope that it will, but I'm trying not to get my hopes too far up. I'm being realistic (some might call it pessimistic) about it, mostly so I don't get my heart broken if/when it doesn't work. I'd love if it did, but I can't expect it to. However, getting this polyp (or whatever it is) out might be the trick to us having another. For that, I have HOPE!


Jackson went to the doctor yesterday for his 18 month appt, and he's now 27.2 lbs. and 33.5 inches long (up 2 pounds and 1.5 inches). He's doing really well and is thankfully healthy, though today he's been fighting a fever (likely a reaction to his vaccine yesterday. It got pretty bad---up to 104.4,. which really flipped me out, but I know it's because of the vaccine and I just have to wait it out. He's acting pretty normal otherwise!


Tomorrow, Nonno comes to help plant the garden in back. YAY! I can't wait for some good, fresh tomatoes!