Eureka!

I think most of our immediate world knows the news, but for those who don't....

WE'RE PREGNANT!

It's SUPER early though, so don't go getting too excited just yet. I have had an official bloodtest (my second was actually today), and so far, all hormone levels look great! They look at a level called hCG. On Friday, mine was 44.9. It's supposed to double each day and today, I was at 169, which the nurse said was perfect!

When I went in this morning for the blood draw, they said that if my levels are still a little low, they'd bring me back in on Wed for another test. I was nervous that this would happen. We haven't had anything go our way until now, so I'm not expecting great things from this. I don't mean to sound negative--I am REALLY excited about this, but there's still a great deal of caution we're both taking right now. HOWEVER...my levels are fine. If you're interested in learning more about the levels, there's an interesting site here. Keep in mind that every woman's body is different.

There's still no indication how many might be in there. I don't think I'll really know that for a while. I have an ultrasound (cootie cam) scheduled on Tuesday the 7th where they'll verify that there's a gestational sac. I don't know at what point I'll have to start seeing an OB/GYN--I asked today, and all they said was that it'll be a little while still.

We're both tepidly excited and really, still not at all used to the idea. My work habits will have to change--I can't do x-rays anymore, and I've taken the position of refusing to clean out litter boxes. I know there's some controversy as to whether or not I really can, but frankly, I'm going to do my best to do everything right. I've worked too damn hard to screw it up. The only thing I need to look into is coloring my hair. A girl's gotta have that one vice, and this is mine. I refuse to go 9 months without coloring, even if it means I go orange-blond with peroxide. I will NOT be a gray-haired mother who's constantly confused with being the child's grandmother!!

The house is still on the market, and I'm as determined to sell it as ever. Our agent lacks in a lot of areas, so she's really going to have to step it up. Things are SERIOUS now. ☺

PLEASE keep in mind that things are in the very early stages. I don't know what to expect--I can hope for the best, but not be surprised if things take a turn. Mentally, I have to prepare myself for this or I'll go bananas if it happens. Above anything, I'm SO grateful that I can at least GET pregnant. That was half the battle! I was really thinking I couldn't, so this is a good moment in time.

Enjoy the crappy winter weather headed this way. Paul and I are contemplating a trip to Mexico--a good friend of mine has a beautiful beachfront condo in Ixtapa that she's generously said we can use (no charge!). I'm so stinkin' excited about the possibility! If we go, it'll likely be at the end of April or early May.

Hasta luego!

(and oui, I still teach French....one day I'll get back to France....)

Awake, but sleepy.

I've found myself awake in the 3 o'clock hour yet again. My sleep habits are deplorable. I don't know why--I fell alseep before 11pm last night. I sleep so restlessly, tossing and turning all night, constantly waking up. Yesterday, I cooked a pot roast in the crock pot and every time I woke up, that's all I could smell (it's been done cooking since about 5pm yesterday, but the smell still lingers). When I woke up at 3:30am, I found myself yelling (in my mind) at my co-workers for overbooking appointments, a problem that's been happening a lot lately (at the vet clinic).

No news about any pregnancy. I peed on a stick Sunday night and it was negative. Maybe it was too early, maybe it was just a way to mentally prepare myself for Friday's test. Whatever the case, I'm ready to once again hear negative. Frankly, I feel NOTHING, and while I'm sure the earth won't shake on its axis if I get pregnant, I expected to feel something. I'm having some cramping, but it's all muscular...

We have a Wii Fit in the house (bought it 12 days ago) and it's killing me! Is it the best workout known to mankind? Probably not, but it's fun, and it's WAY better than the nothing I was doing. There are competitive "games" so Paul and I work against each other on different activities. There are a few things that I can do WAY better than him, and vice versa. We both try to put in 30 minutes of Wii time each day (which equals about 45-60 minutes of real time--it only counts the minutes you use on activities). There's one strength activity called the Plank. I didn't think it would be as hard as it is! Basically, my forearms are on the Wii board (set about 3 inches off the floor, way lower than an aerobic stepper) and my feet extended out behind me with my butt just slightly raised higher than my head. That position is held for 30 seconds. Sound easy? Try it. It's kicks my ass.

We had an open house on Sunday and only one couple showed up. I'm hoping she isn't discouraged by this and no longer offers to have open houses. They may not be great, but as far as I'm concerned, they're better than nothing. I'm not entirely happy with our agent--I don't see her doing anything to sell our house (she has a few others on the market that are worth more, so her energy might be more concentrated on those?). She does some things, but not enough for my tastes. I need a pitbull!!

I'm on spring break this week. That isn't saying much since I only teach one night a week and still have 2 other jobs to go to. WCC (where I teach) has annoyed me beyond recognition. I'm seriously on the verge of saying sayonara--they really don't pay me enough for what I have to deal with. I'll give it one more semester, unless another teaching position comes along.

The weather is stormy this week, and cooler than I'd like, but at least there's no snow. We have a large dead patch of grass in the front...from dog pee that collected on the snow and melted in one spot, I'm guessing. Her pee usually doesn't affect the grass, but if it's all concentrated in one spot for a certain amount of time, it can happen. Gotta love winter!

Enjoy! More news when I know it!

3/1

I'm officially pregnant! Well, ok, not really...or maybe just one day pregnant.

We went early this afternoon to have some thawed out buggers transfered. I was soooooo stressed all the way there. I had thought they'd start thawing them on Sunday, but my info was wrong. They actually started today, so if any had trouble thawing, we weren't going to find out until right before. I was so sure that something would go wrong, and I jumped every time the phone rang this morning.

We got the surgery center and when the nurse called us in, I asked immediately how many we were having transfered. She didn't know but said she'd find out. Well, 2 minutes later, Dr. Morris came in and said he had 3 thawed out and ready to go, and we still have one frozen. I was BLOWN AWAY.

He took us back to the sterile room and got things rolling right on time--the man is nothing if not PROMPT. 15 minutes later, we were done. I had to wait there another 1/2 hour, but we were out of there before 2pm and on our way home.

So that's it...now I wait. There's a test scheduled in 8 days (Friday), so we should know something then. I'm trying not to get myself too psyched up for this again, despite the fact these are the most advanced embryos we've had implanted to date. Paul's VERY hopeful. I'm being my usual guarded self.

Enjoy the weather! It's cool but the sun is shining and you better believe I'll be on my scooter tomorrow!

Check it out!

My work blog: http://westgateveterinarycenter.blogspot.com/

I get to Twitter, too. How many people get to have fun like this at their job? ☺

Ready, set, ACTION!

Ok, we're getting ready for big things next week! I knew this would happen, too. It was my new year's resolution to find a dentist. So, after months of searching, I find one and make a long-awaited appointment for March 19th. I haven't been to a dentist in roughly 2 years, and while there's no urgent need for one, I really need a good cleaning.

Then we start on this frozen journey and, low and behold, my transfer will be...you guessed it...March 19th. Guess I'll be calling the dentist on Monday and rescheduling.

I've been on heavy hormones for about a month now. These are really kicking my ass, too. Paul says I've been worse in the past, but I feel these more than ever before. However, starting tomorrow, I lower my dose of estrogen, end the Lupron, and start the Crinone. Crinone is a fun large while horse pill that gets shot up into a place no pill should ever go.

Then Thursday, things happen. We're due downtown by 7:15am and we'll likely be home by 11am. Paul will go to work in the afternoon, and I plan to spend the afternoon laying on the couch with my uterus facing more north than my head.

All this, of course, provided the embryos even thaw out. They start the thaw process on Sunday, first with 2, then they'll thaw one more before Thursday.

I haven't given too much thought to them not even thawing, more to them not really sticking afterwards. This will be my third attempt at putting embryos in there, and we all know how the first 2 worked.

Wish me luck, keep all fingers crossed, pray (if that's what you do), and think a lot of good thoughts for that day!!

Stem cells

Allow me a few moments to stand high upon my blogging soapbox to talk about an issue that has hit close to home. This evening, I read an article on cnn.com about the president's reversal of a limits set on embryonic stem cell research. There's some guy who's saying this is a distraction from the real issues, namely the economy.

This reversal was expected. President Obama (and it gives me such great pleasure to type those 2 words together...but that's another box for another time) has talked for quite some time about doing this--allowing science to do research using discarded embryos from fertility clinics that would otherwise be distroyed.

What most people may not know is that a year ago, Paul and I donated an embryo to science for research. We had many reasons for doing this, including our doubt over the quality of the embryo (this was after our first attempt, when we had few good embryos and this one just happened to make it beyond the 5 day mark, but hadn't looked good before that time), as well as our intention to change doctors after that first one.

Regardless of our reasons, this was a subject in which we both believe very strongly. Paul is Catholic and I was raised in similar religious surroundings, and we both feel that life begins at conception. This wasn't a decision that was made lightly, however he and I both have people in our lives who would greatly benefit from a cure of some sort: diabetes, cancer, paralysis, to name a few.

There are areas in our marriage where we do not agree, and one in particular where we are both so diametrically opposed that it could threaten us if we let it. Stem cell research is one where we are (almost surprisingly!) in total and complete agreement. Going through the IVF process, we have seen what can happen that most people can't: a women goes through retrieval, has multiple embryos created, and must freeze what might be left over. What happens if there are 10's of these for one woman, or thousands for hundreds of women? Do these just remain frozen in time forever? Do we really want or need more Octomom's running around in the world?

That's where research comes in. It's almost as if we (as the parents of the embryo) have to let the reality of what we're doing slip away for a moment to allow us to donate the embryo. I know what I did and I later let the reality of it hit me like a ton of bricks, however I'd do it all over again if in the same position. I feel good about the possibility of my contribution possibly saving thousands of lives one day.

You can agree or disagree. We don't feel guilty for our decision. I'm glad President Obama made this reversal today and I can't wait for the day a cure is found for the cancer inside his sister, or the diabetes that lives inside my brother-in-law or half of Paul's family, or the paralysis that has stricken Rob's cousin. When it does, and when all these naysayers are finally silenced because their families or their children were also saved from some terrible fate, I'll hold my head up high knowing I somehow contributed to that.

Age

Tonight, I went to an event with the Hall children (my sister's kids) at their school. It was a lot of fun, but as we were gathered in the gym, I looked around at some of the other parents: mothers holding their babies on their hips, fathers wrangling in screaming kids who were running in circles. It occured to me that I'm soooooooooooooo much older than them. I thought about how old I'll be when my kids are in school. If things work out in the next year or so, I'll be in my mid to late 40's. That means I'll have teenagers in my late 50's.

HOLY SHIT.

Ok, that sounds so damn old to me. My mom had me when she was 23, and she was done having kids before she was 30. I could be 20 years older than my mom by the time I have my first child.

HOLY. SHIT.

I'm old. My hair would be white if I didn't color it every 6 weeks (of course, I've been coloring it since I was in my mid-20's). Thankfully, my fat face hides any wrinkles that lurk under there. It's getting hard to fight this though.

I know that age is relative--it's all about how you feel and blahblahblah. I certainly don't think I LOOK 40, however I also don't see myself as fat as the scale says I am. It's true: sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror at home, I don't see a fat person, but when I catch a glimpse of my reflection walking by a store window, I'm appalled at what's looking back at me. If I'm this blinded by my appearance, am I missing the whole age thing? Do I really look as old as I am?

For most of my 20's and 30's, I always looked remarkably younger than the number of my years (moreso after I stopped wearing make-up or fluffing and primping my hair everyday). I was usually carded early on when buying alcohol, but those occurances slowly diminished throughout the years. Then about a month ago, I was in a Hallmark store. I went up to pay for my cards and the woman behind the counter (who was probably in her late 60's or early 70's) looked right asked me and said, "Today is Senior Day. Are you 55 or older?"

I KID YOU NOT.

I stood there for a good 3 minutes with my mouth slighly agape, hoping for a sign from her that she made a horrible mistake and oh there's no WAY I could be that old.....but no. I realized she was looking me in the eye and waiting for an answer. Of course, because I have few filters for those moments that call for me to gracefully answer proposterous questions such as this, I snottily said, "Um, NO," and had a look of indignation splattered all over my face. She totally missed it though (which is probably for the best).

It's moments like this that make me realize that I'm aging. And NOT gracefully. I wish I could go back 10 years. I don't know why--I don't think I could really change much of anything, and I didn't have Paul back then. I wish more that I could have everything now but 10 years ago.

But I can't. Duh. So I have to deal with the thought of being the oldest parent in my kids' school. And I'll color my hair until I feel it appropriate to be gray (I'm sure I'll be long dead by then though). I may go blonder as the roots get grayer--my Aunt Betty did that for years and looked just fine. ☺

I've finished my evening rant. Nothing new on the IVF front--still on drugs, and it'll be weeks before a transfer happens. On the house front, we're still here. We have a showing tomorrow, but it's been a long time since we've gotten excited about these.

The great part about today--seeing and spending time with Robert and Mary, and riding the scooter this morning! It was a good day.