How long has it been?!

I was spending a lazy morning before I get ready for work and thought I should update this site, given all the emails I've gotten from friends in the last few days asking me what's new, why they haven't heard from me in a while, etc. Then I sign on and saw it's been weeks since my last update. Oops! Not much has happened fertility-wise since I last wrote. Lots of other things have happened though.


I'm done teaching for the moment at NCC, but I start back up January 2nd. I'm still teaching at WCC, tutoring (once a week), bowling, and working at the vet clinic, so I'm not having much of a vacation. But I do get to sleep in and there's a lot to be said for that. :)

Thanksgiving was busy, as usual. Paul and I started off at his mom's for appetizers and cocktails, then went to my brother's for dinner. It was nice to see all 7 nieces and nephews in one day! We're not really crazy about having to split our time, but it's really the only holiday that we have one day to see everyone. Maybe next year, we'll be in a house where we can host everyone at one time.

Paul and I are going to Chicago this weekend. He bid on and won at an auction last February a 2-night stay at the Hilton Chicago, so we're cashing it in. We'll take the train down early Friday afternoon and check in, then get dressed and go see Phantom of the Opera. Saturday, I hope to go walking around downtown, seeing the stores, buying Christmas presents, then we'll have dinner with some friends that night. Sunday morning, we'll likely have breakfast somewhere (Creperie?) and take our time getting home on the train. I'm expecting a nice, relaxing weekend away! My mom, who is doing remarkably better, will be watching Bailey for us while we're gone.

December is shaping up to be busy already. Paul's best friend (and best man from the wedding) is coming in for 4 days next weekend (after our Chicago one). Then we have a couple of weekends of Christmas parties before hosting my family on Christmas eve. I'm SO EXCITED about getting to do this! It's my first time hosting Christmas (but hopefully not my last) and I've already started planning the meal, which will likely be practiced many times before the big day. Christmas decorations have been up for 2 weeks, including my long-awaited tree skirt from Beverly (step-mother), which took 5 years but was so worth the wait! It's gorgeous and I'm honored to have her work displayed in my home!!

That's all for now. It might be some time before I post again, since nothing exciting is happening for a while. Happy holidays!

The new doc

Today was informative! We met with Dr. Rinehart, the new fertility specialist we're going to start going to. I had heard things about him that made me a little nervous--primarily, that he had no personality. I didn't see this as a bad trait though because I want the truth about what we're dealing with, not some souped-up bullshit (like I felt we were getting at the last place). Well, this guy was GREAT! His personality wasn't nearly as bad as we had expected, and he gave us a lot of information and told us where things stand with us. What it all boils down to is this: my eggs are old and on the edge of being pretty useless. We can go through another round of IVF but being our second shot, our success rate drops to 10-15% (from like 22%). A third attempt would be like having 0% success, so that may not be discussable later, if need be. He gave us a lot of really good information and explained things in ways that we understood. We never felt hurried to get out of his office, and I didn't see a million people waiting around, being shuffled through.

So here's the scoop: we're going to try it again next year (probably starting in late Feb or early March) and see what happens. Our chances are quite grim, but at least at the end, we can say we did everything we could. We've already started tiny discussions about adoption, but we have a lot more to talk about. This is something that we'd both be in favor of doing, but as some of you may know, domestic adoptions can take years (for a baby) and international ones are becoming more and more difficult. So it could be a while before we see anything.

Despite the bad news today, I feel pretty good! I will gladly give IVF one more try, but I also love the idea of adopting. Having a plethora of different kinds of children (white, black, purple, Chinese, Guatamalan, anything!!) running around my house is something that I've always wanted. Will I miss the opportunity to have one of my own? Maybe, but give me just one or two to love and that's all I'll need.

Until the next time...

Almost the end!

This is my last week of school!! YAY! It started off a little rough--I was sidelined yesterday with a bought of stomach flu (which started late Sunday night). It was gross and I spent the whole day yesterday on the couch. I'm feeling so much better today though, so this afternoon, it's off to work!

I'm sorry if my last post offended anyone. I know that no one means us any malice when telling us different things, but please understand that it's not always that easy to get pregnant, and it certainly won't be with Paul and me. We know what's ahead of us and what we need to do, and we're both pretty damned realistic about (and accepting of) it all. I just hope everyone else will be, that's all. Know that it's not going to happen conventionally for us and if you want to do anything to help, just encourage us on this journey. I've said my peace. :)

So again, this is my last week of school. It's going to be really busy, between doctors appointments (me and my mom), French oral exams, and everything else we have to squeeze in. Paul and I have an appointment with the new doctor tomorrow (Wed) to discuss what lies ahead. This new guy, Dr. Rinehart, has been around a while but I've heard he has ZERO personality. At least I know we'll be hearing it straight, no bullshit. There are advantages to that. Next week, I have final exams on Monday and Wednesday, then I'm done with NCC until January 2nd (ick...too early for me!!). I can't wait to have a break from that place!! It's been a really bad semester.

My mom is doing pretty well. She's getting around ok--we all help her run errands and get out a bit. Vincent goes by almost every day to see her, whether it's for 5 minutes or a couple hours. It's nice because it gives the rest of us a little bit of a break. I won't get there until Friday and possibly over the weekend. Her arm is still sore and giving her trouble--I think she finds out on Friday how she's doing with it. The six-week mark is coming up (when she's supposed to have the cast removed). I'm not sure what they'll say. I think once that comes off, her life will be so much easier!

Hope everyone is well!

So have I mentioned...

...how much I dislike stories about so-and-so who tried so hard to get pregnant using IVF and one day they magically found themselves pregnant on their own?

Or when people tell us the trick to getting pregnant is just to relax (or "stop trying") and it'll just happen?

News flash: it's not that easy. It may happen once in a while to some random couple out there, but it's not going to happen that way for us. It's not going to happen by us trying and trying with fertility drug shots, pills, patches, etc. only to fail, then one day having sex and BOOM! We're pregnant. Or wait...we try and try, fail with IVF, and just decide to not think about it during sex and BOOM! We're pregnant.

The reality is, we always think about it (or, at least, I do). There's never a time that we have sex and I DON'T think about it. That's just not possible, unless of course, I'm hopped up on 4-5 of those vodka/peppermint schnapps drinks and the world is spinning and things are blurry and, Oh hey! What's that thing you're putting me?! Yeah, that's the only way that's going to happen.

It's not possible to just turn off the thinking part of it all. It's always there, looming over us like a dark cloud....the wondering, the possibility of could this be the time? Frankly, I resent people telling me stories of someone they knew who got pregnant on their own after years of trying fertility treatments, or that not thinking about it will somehow make me magically pregnant.

Thanks for reading.

I love weekends!!

This is the first weekend in a long time where I actually have time at home! No running around from family member to family member, no shuttling people anywhere, no having to get up at some horrific hour in the morning to be somewhere...I'm home, able to do some serious laundry, and catch up on Tivo while grading papers. The poor Tivo was maxed out this past week--70 hours of tapes stuff that I haven't been able to get a handle on. I'm getting better with that though.

Paul and I have an appointment with a new fertility doctor (Dr. Rinehart) on November 14. We both feel so much more informed than we were before (stands to reason, since we've been through this once already) so I think we know all the right questions to ask. I've heard this doctor is short on personality, but he's been doing this for a long time. We've had a ton of recommendations so we'll see what this guy has to say and go from there. We may end up meeting with a couple doctors before making a choice. Regardless of who we choose, we won't be starting anything until March. I can't go through this process again while in school. It's way too stressful, so we'll wait until I'm done teaching MWF before going at it again. Not really what either of us wants, but I think the process will be easier if we wait.

My mom is back home after 10 days in the nursing home. She actually liked it there (except for her awful roommate)--the people who worked there were wonderful with her and the food was pretty good! She's home in the condo now and finally has cable TV and internet access, so that should help tremendously during the next few months she's homebound. She can get around pretty well and we drive her to appointments, plus she has therapists and nurses come in to help as well. I think this will work out well for her. Hopefully, she won't be pulling her hair out after a few weeks of this though. The only major problem she has to deal with is the crazy guy in the building (some of you may remember him from when I lived there). He's once again off his medication and wreaking havoc throughout the building with other condo owners.

Work is going pretty well. I've had a couple tough students to deal with this semester, making it really hard to want to go into work everyday, but I only have 2 weeks of classes left (plus a week of finals, so I'll be done by Thanksgiving). My Monday night class is going pretty well--I really enjoy the students in there! The vet clinic job is also going well, though my hours keep getting longer and longer as time goes on. This will only go on until about Thanksgiving, when the technician starts full-time. In the meantime, I get to help with lots of operations! That's the coolest part to me.

Paul and I are going away for a weekend in December. He booked a room at the Hilton in Chicago for the first weekend in December. I'm so excited! It'll be nice to get away with him. I feel like we hardly see each other anymore, especially during the week. Last night, I cooked dinner and we both ate at the table for the first time in months! I miss that....and him.

Hope everyone is doing well! My friend Lisa is due to pop out a little girl in a couple of weeks. It's amazing how far we've come from our days in Japan!