Change of plans

Well, this summer has certainly taken a turn I didn't expect.  I had all kinds of summer projects lined up--refinishing a couple of my Grandma's cabinets, organizing and painting my office (this is on the list every year), taking Jackson to the pool...

It's all changed.  My neighbor, L, has become my summer project, of sorts.  Her husband of 38 years passed away in January, which devastated her enough.  Then a month later, she was told she needed to sell her house because of financial reasons.  She's moving this week (closing on her house today, Friday), and I've been working my tail off to help.  But my help hasn't come just in the form of just packing and moving boxes...it's so much more than that, mostly taking care of her very fragile emotional state of mind.  I've become the one she turns to when she has a breakdown (which is at least once, sometimes twice a day), when she cries for her husband and what she's lost, when she rails against the unfairness of it all, when she thinks she can't take another step forward.  It changes you as a person to see someone fall to pieces like that, knowing there's little you can do to help pick up those pieces and put them back together.  I do the best I can to help push her forward and remind her of all she still has (2 amazing kids, both in their 20's).  Sometimes I just sit and hold her hand while she cries, sometimes I try to keep her busy to get her mind off it all.  It's all come down to this final week, and I know that once she moves into her new townhouse, her life will come together one step at a time.

Almost every single day for the past 2 months has been spent with her.  Some of those days were spent packing.  Others were spent keeping her from jumping off a proverbial ledge.  The next few weeks will be spent helping her adjust to her new life and get her feet back on the ground.  She's mourning what she lost, and terrified of what's to come.

I've never seen anyone this broken before.  My heart truly goes out to her.  No one has stepped up to help her (a few have for occasional help), or to comfort her, so I have.  I'm not sure how that came to be, but I don't question it, I just roll with it.  I'm glad I can be there for her, but I've stepped back from my own life--family and friends outside of my those in my home.  Am I doing too much for her, or even enabling her?  Maybe.  Selfishly, it feels good to HELP someone else, and that can't be all bad.

Jackson's been well-cared for by others--family, friends, neighbors.  Paul has been a SAINT these last few months.  He sees what she's going through, and while I'm not around much for him right now, he never complains.  This whole experience has made me realize what a selfless man I'm married to, and how much he truly loves me, enough to loan me out to a friend who needs me just a little more.  I could never have done this without his support, and I appreciate him now more than I ever have.

Today marks the end of months of work, and the start of a different life for L.  I'll be there for her as much as I can--not the 15 second walk across the street, but now a 15 minute car ride.  She's no longer my neighbor, but always and forever my friend.  We don't hesitate to say I love you because we both know how easily that can all be gone.  This won't go on forever--once the school year starts, we'll all get back into a regular routine and I won't be spending nearly the amount of time with L as I have all summer.  But until then, that's where you'll find me