Unfair

I'm going to rant a little here. I have to wonder, when I read headlines about a parent microwaving a child or a father sentenced to jail for forcing his child to stab the family cat, how these people become parents in the first place. I've been working SO DAMNED HARD to become a parent and have failed, but these absolute morons out there are popping kids out left and right and doing horrible things to them. What am I doing wrong?

I babysat tonight for a friend's 3 year old son. I wasn't super excited about it, but I had promised I would and it ended up being so much fun!! I've seen the kid on several occasions and he's cute as a bug, but I didn't really know what to expect tonight. It wasn't perfect (he peed his pants twice in a short period of time...I didn't get mad, even when he tried to fib about it), but I had a good time with him! We danced in their living room and played drums and cymbals (most of you know that I LOVE being loud!) and I taught him funny little phrases like, "Get outta town!" and "You're full of bologna!" He was so good, and it really felt good acting like a kid again. Of course, I had to make him eat his dinner and sit still at times, but we splashed together while he was in the tub and cheered when he finally did pee on the potty.

It made me long even more to have children. To teach them stupid little things like holding cymbals to their ears after banging them together, or how to fill the little squirt toys with water, or saying funny things like "Holy schmoly!", or teaching them the Pinky Swear and laughing as they call their thumb a pinky.

I want with everything in me to be called Mom. To see their eyes light up when I walk in the door, to get morning, afternoon, and evening snuggles, and to rock them to sleep at night (not every night!). To teach them to be kind to all humans and all animals. And so many, many other things.

I keep trying to think that someone out there has something better in store for me. I wish things could happen quickly (despite all the drama going on around here!), but whatever we do is going to take time. Lots of it.

Sometimes, life can be so damned unfair.