Weather or not

Just when I got used to seeing grass again, it's been once again covered by a white blanket. Winter has always depressed me and I'm pretty sure I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. It didn't help that we had a 63 degree day early last week, allowing me to be bold and start the scooter (just to tease myself). Eeee-gads, I can't wait for better weather.

Well, we've jumped in with both feet once again. Because of the increasing worry about Paul's work status, we've decided that it's best to prepare the frozen buggers sooner rather than later. I'm now on a 10 day course of birth control pills (the greatest irony) and tonight, I start Lupron. Someone asked me recently why I take all these drugs that would normally prevent someone from getting pregnant. It's all about CONTROL: the doctors', not mine. They need to manipulate my body in such a way that it'll be ready for the embryo transfer when the time comes. I'll eventually be put on a 2 week course of Estrace (estrogen) along with progesterone (to thicken the uterus and make it a nice soft haven for the buggers). We're guessing it'll be about mid-March when the buggers are implanted. If you do the math (and I know some of you are), that potentially gives us a Christmas baby.

Going back to Paul's work status--his job isn't in great jeopardy at the moment (in fact, he's pretty confident he'll have his job a while longer), but he's already taken a pretty significant pay cut. If the company goes under, obviously so does everyone who's still there. One thing's for sure: we're screwed if we have to live on my salary.

Admittedly, I'm not excited about this round. I try to remain positive but we've had 2 totally unsuccessful turns at this. These are from the same batch of embryos that were mixed in December. I had such high hopes then, and was devastated when it didn't work. I won't let myself get that worked up again. I can't, or we'd never be able to keep doing this.

So I'll remain my normal, realistic self. Don't chide me for being negative--I'm not, I'm just trying to keep a level head about it all. If I don't, I'll drive myself (and everyone else) completely mad.

In other news, the house is still here. We have another showing tomorrow. I lost the excitement about these a long time ago. Frankly, I'm getting tired of the same feedback about it being too small. I want to scream out that the room and house measurements are in the ad--READ THEM before coming here. We didn't lie about anything. Shoot.

I'm headed out to shovel. I bought some plywood a few months ago, so I should be done with the driveway in 10 minutes. ☺ The only good thing about snow is getting to wear my pretty pink snowboots. I may just wear them all day inside. Hee hee!