Mother's Day

This past week, I've been thinking a lot about Mother's Day and how lucky I am to have the best kid on the planet.  Oh, you might THINK you do, but I assure you...I definitely do.

But I've also been thinking about what could have been.  I think about all those embryos we had to go through until we found the PERFECT one that stuck.  But why didn't any of the others?  What was so special about Jackson's that it did?  I mean, I know what makes him so special, but it's these thoughts that creep into my head in the wee hours of the morning when I can't sleep, and lay there thinking.  We had 10 other embryos implanted.  It's safe to say the best one stuck!

I think about the fact I might have had a 2 year old now, had pregnancy #2 been successful.  DAUNTING, really, but oh how I would have loved to have another.  That's not to say I'm in anyway unhappy with the one I got--nothing could be further from the truth.

But it hurts my heart something awful when I see Jackson fawn all over a baby girl (which he does more often than anyone realizes!), and I wonder what he would have been like as a big brother.  Would he have teased his little sister or brother?  Would he have protected him/her from bullies?  If anyone deserved to be a big brother, it's Jackson, and that's evident when I see him with other little kids.

I have no regrets.  I don't regret donating that one lone embryo early on.  I think about that, too, and can only hope that the embryo that went to Harvard was used to save someone's life from the research that it provided.  Imagine a cure for diabetes, cancer, or any one of the other thousands of diseases that have affected each and every one of us everyday.  Nope.  No regrets.

I think about other things, like all the "mothers" I've had growing up.  I had my own mom, but there were so many other strong female role models I had around me as well, both family and friends, teachers and mentors.  I was truly lucky.

I love being a mother.  I'm not always good at it, but frankly, neither was my mom (sorry, Mom), and I turned out ok.  But I'm doing the best I can, and I love that little boy with my whole life, with every breath I take.  Some days are challenging, but each day brings something new, and I love learning as much as he does.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!